Thursday, June 21, 2007
So I think i've figured out how to tell the maturity of any given town or city by applying a very special formula that I discovered the other day whilst walking past an unaffiliated gaggle of pretend young ruffians loitering without intent outside a typical Montreal boutique selling fancy and dandy to the classes of the middle and above. I should point out that if this post comes across as a little snobbish, elitist or downright misanthropic, I have at least achieved something.
The formula is quite simple, really:
Or, Number of Fancy Boutiques per square mile divided by Number of Tupac T-shirts worn or for sale per square mile = how Shit your City is.
Montreal has a SC factor of almost ∞, since I have yet to find a single Tupac T-shirt in this city. It is, I suppose, an ideal place to live.
Here's a shop not far from where I live that sells nothing but mushrooms. Actually that's not strictly true, for it sells mushroom-related products, finery, fancy and dreams. I have yet to go in, only for the simple reason that I have promised myself to enter and ask 'Do you sell mushrooms?' and I don't think I quite have the sufficient chutzpah to do it yet.
Here's a shop not far from where I live that sells nothing but tomatoes. Actually that's not strictly true...etc etc
Tell me, how does this shop survive? Do you find yourself wanting an edible arrangement of a morning and then thank the lord you can just pop in to this shop for the solution? How many people need to want this to make a viable business? Do you even regularly desire non-edible arrangements, say of flowers or lego and the like - and then bring it home from your regular non-edible arrangers and think to yourself 'No, this isn't good enough. It must taste of something too. I want to eat it'? And anyway, when do you eat an edible arrangement? What is the timeframe here - do you bring it home, sit it on the windowsill and then start picking at it? Fucking hell, I sound like Jerry Seinfeld.
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The formula is quite simple, really:
| (NFB/M2x100) /(NTT/M2x100) = SC |
Montreal has a SC factor of almost ∞, since I have yet to find a single Tupac T-shirt in this city. It is, I suppose, an ideal place to live.
Here's a shop not far from where I live that sells nothing but mushrooms. Actually that's not strictly true, for it sells mushroom-related products, finery, fancy and dreams. I have yet to go in, only for the simple reason that I have promised myself to enter and ask 'Do you sell mushrooms?' and I don't think I quite have the sufficient chutzpah to do it yet.
Here's a shop not far from where I live that sells nothing but tomatoes. Actually that's not strictly true...etc etc
Tell me, how does this shop survive? Do you find yourself wanting an edible arrangement of a morning and then thank the lord you can just pop in to this shop for the solution? How many people need to want this to make a viable business? Do you even regularly desire non-edible arrangements, say of flowers or lego and the like - and then bring it home from your regular non-edible arrangers and think to yourself 'No, this isn't good enough. It must taste of something too. I want to eat it'? And anyway, when do you eat an edible arrangement? What is the timeframe here - do you bring it home, sit it on the windowsill and then start picking at it? Fucking hell, I sound like Jerry Seinfeld.
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