Tuesday, August 09, 2005
lazy blogging corner...another apparently funny chat...
[nutgroist] halloi
[nutgroist] come on
[nutgroist] answer me god confound you!
(0:19) [friarcouscous] three beeps have wakened me - who are you and what do you want?
[nutgroist] i'm you and...
[nutgroist] i want you to believe me/you
(0:20) [friarcouscous] i'm not god, and nor is God
[nutgroist] little known spiritual secret - God prays to us
[nutgroist] no, sorry, God prays ON us
(0:21) [friarcouscous] God does exist, but we're now cleverer than Him. That's why he invented us - cos he couldn't work out Science.
[nutgroist] i tell you what, pal - in light of all that all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful stuff - i'd say the Devil's a plucky fellow
(0:23) [friarcouscous] Yeah, but he slept and murdered his way to the top (bottom).
[nutgroist] he's got a snowball's chance in hell, no, a fireball's chance in heaven of winning THAT eternal battle
[nutgroist] the devil slept his way to the top? with who exactly?
[nutgroist] mrs devil?
[nutgroist] mrs the devil?
[nutgroist] the angel gaybriel
(0:24) [friarcouscous] Why did goats become associated with the Devil? So many more likely candidates in the animal kingdom.
[nutgroist] you ever fucked a goat?
[nutgroist] it's TOTALLY WICKED
(0:25) [friarcouscous] I've goaded a fuck.
[nutgroist] you ever tried to do anything ritualistic with an evil serpent?
[nutgroist] it's not easy
[nutgroist] believe me
(0:25) [friarcouscous] I've done a whore, 'goaty style'.
[nutgroist] still, it made getting the cock piercing easier
(0:26) [friarcouscous] Those fangs are overrated.
[nutgroist] who runs purgatory?
(0:26) [friarcouscous] ?
[nutgroist] or does it just run itself now?
(0:26) [friarcouscous] Elvis
[nutgroist] after so many years of history
[nutgroist] dont be ridiculous
[nutgroist] Elvis hasnt died yet
(0:27) [friarcouscous] yes, there have been a lot of years of history
[nutgroist] too many to count individulally, id say
(0:27) [friarcouscous] Elvira - of course
(0:28) [friarcouscous] I don't know - if you start in 1066 and end in 1945.
[nutgroist] if Elvira did run it, i wouldnt say no to a dirty weekend stint there before going up
[nutgroist] oddly enough, those are my hours
(0:28) [friarcouscous] Bulldog Historiography
[nutgroist] 11:06 am to about 7:45 pm
(0:29) [friarcouscous] my hours are 24/7 - i'm alive
(0:29) [friarcouscous] ...just
[nutgroist] i think it's just that you're alive
[nutgroist] but im no judge
[nutgroist] although i have been associated with jewry
(0:30) [friarcouscous] nicely...i like to work 7/24
(0:30) [friarcouscous] or even 5/24 most days
[nutgroist] i work 1/1
(0:30) [friarcouscous] ha ha!!!
[nutgroist] on a daily basis
(0:31) [friarcouscous] ha ha!!!!!!
(0:31) [friarcouscous] pissing myself
[nutgroist] me too
[nutgroist] but then i have got a willy
[nutgroist] so what else am i going to do with it
(0:31) [friarcouscous] no ideas cos laughing
[nutgroist] dont want to get 'lazy willy'
(0:32) [friarcouscous] reached the plateau
[nutgroist] that's the worst of all the old age diseases, that is
[nutgroist] lazy willy
[nutgroist] already got saggy balls
(0:32) [friarcouscous] dick dock - a bad penalty
[nutgroist] stuart pierce had one
[nutgroist] gareth southgate, he's another
(0:32) [friarcouscous] i dock you one dick
[nutgroist] here's a docket for it
[nutgroist] a dick dock docket
(0:33) [friarcouscous] was a guy who lived after that punishment - 'Dick Docked' Dick
[nutgroist] dick's dick dock docket
[nutgroist] picked a pock of pickled pockets
[nutgroist] then gregory peck sent the lawyers in to end it before it got out of hand
(0:35) [friarcouscous] I'm going to have my fucking willy amputated to pay for a hit on Bono - Docked One Dick To Kill A Big Cock
[nutgroist] that's a great idea but i'd get it amputated when not fucking
[nutgroist] practically easier and relatively easier to say goodbye to
[nutgroist] but one cant help but wonder, who's going to pay for you to have it amputated?
[nutgroist] i mean, i'll chuck a fiver into the ring, just to help out, like
(0:36) [friarcouscous] I want my dick to go into outer space - but I don't want to go with it. Bit of a fix.
[nutgroist] why not cut out the 'middle man' so to speak - have Bono amputated
(0:37) [friarcouscous] Where does he hide the massive pair of balls he must be attached to?
[nutgroist] dare you, right now, in this day and age, to write a letter to jim'll fix it, last seen on tv in the last century, asking if he could please please please fix it for you to have your dick sent into 'fucking outer space'
[nutgroist] inside larry's bass drums
[nutgroist] or adam or whoever it is
(0:39) [friarcouscous] Dear Jim'll, please can you fix it to have my fucking sweaty nuts to be fucking rocketed into out space please?
(0:39) [friarcouscous] such bad wrytyng
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fix it for me to not have to be abused by my stepdad ever again
[nutgroist] ps. can i come on the show and sit on your lap? (0:40)
[friarcouscous] Dear Jim'll. please can you fix it for you and Jonathan King to stop fiddling with us poor caddies, please?
[nutgroist] pps. i can sit on the show and come on your lap
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you make the bad man go away
(0:41) [friarcouscous] Dear Saville, I will lynch you. I will. Yes I will. Goodnight.
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fix it for me to have some fucking sex with a bitch please?
[nutgroist] ps. i'm 42 years of age
(0:42) [friarcouscous] Dear Mr Fuxit, please can you fux it so that me and my punk mates can cut a boy's penis off in Slough town centre toilets in 1979?
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fixit it for me....im talking about my broken toy
[nutgroist] hahaha
[nutgroist] i think you mean, i HOPE you mean, dear jim'll please can you fixit for me to star in a crotch-grabbing urban myth in slough town centre toilets in 1979?
(0:43) [friarcouscous] yes indeed, much later exposed as a worldwide urban myth starting in the good old you Hess of Gay
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you f...no, actually, i don't want anything. bye
(0:46) [friarcouscous] dear jamahl, please can you fax me a copy of the full scripts for the Jim'll Fix It show 1977-1983?
[nutgroist] dear bbc, please can you fix it for jimmy saville to go from top pop personality to suspected paedolester and celebrity nobody in a surprisingly short space of time?
(0:46) [friarcouscous] Consider it done.
(0:47) [friarcouscous] ha ha ha!
[nutgroist] dear jim'll please can you fix it for me to kill a man
(0:47) [friarcouscous] without ANY repercussions
(0:48) [friarcouscous] Dear Tim-Hal, please can you fix John Bonham and kill that Bono?
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, i've always had a fascination with jail, but as a law-abiding citizen i obviously dont think i'll ever end up inside. please can you fix me up for me?
[nutgroist] dear saville, i've admired your bespoke suits for many years, but this constant rowing has got to stop(0:50)
[friarcouscous] dear james, please can you fix it for me to conclusively disprove the existence of Jesus, Mohammed and Abba?
(0:51) [friarcouscous] got to go to bed now dude!
[nutgroist] ddear jim'lll
[nutgroist] please can you make friar couscous stay up a bit later
[nutgroist] cos i had a rubbish 'can you make
[nutgroist] hard rock the force it once was again'
[nutgroist] request
[nutgroist] you realise i NEED to have funny interactions like this
[nutgroist] got a few weeks to prepare for my standup comp
(0:52) [friarcouscous] i know - i heard about that -- when and where?
[nutgroist] gotta get those funnies flowing
(0:53) [friarcouscous] specify: date/time/location
[nutgroist] and that's all yer gettin out of me
[nutgroist] listen, if it goes well, that's all well and great
[nutgroist] but if it goes badly, i want to be the only one who remembers it
[nutgroist] im actually going to ask the judges and audience to leave the room when i do it
(0:54) [friarcouscous] what if it all goes well but then you die? who will remember it then?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] hoo!
[nutgroist] i'll record it
[nutgroist] and
[nutgroist] crucially
[nutgroist] I'LL BE DEAD
[nutgroist] i dont want, need or care for other people
[nutgroist] full stop
[nutgroist] not just the remembering it part(0:56)
[friarcouscous] i've got a date with a dream i was having last night - and so - i must go
[nutgroist] curse you to chesham and back
(0:56) [friarcouscous] my thousand apologies card is yours to swipe
[nutgroist] damn you to amsterdam and back
[nutgroist] run out of credit, my friend
[nutgroist] the sorrys all yours
[nutgroist] great idea though - 1000 apologies card
[nutgroist] could well become alternate currency some day
(0:57) [friarcouscous] would do well in india
[nutgroist] dont be surprised if that ends up in my book idea
[nutgroist] no, im serious now
[nutgroist] social currency
[nutgroist] no monetary value
(0:58) [friarcouscous] someone's already thought of books
[nutgroist] damn
(0:58) [friarcouscous] sexurrency
[nutgroist] what about pamphlets?
[nutgroist] surely i'll be first in there
(0:58) [friarcouscous] what - chicks on the rag?
(0:58) [friarcouscous] or nappies?
[nutgroist] no, pamela flett's
[nutgroist] lovely place
[nutgroist] spamflats
(0:59) [friarcouscous] i've found a new way to wank - to BLONDIE
[nutgroist] some kind of steamrollered vagpie
(0:59) [friarcouscous] especially Rapture - and by wank - I do mean mentally
[nutgroist] now or then?
[nutgroist] personally i've come full circle
(1:00) [friarcouscous] Doing it physically is so 1989
[nutgroist] it's so working class
(1:00) [friarcouscous] yes. yes it is.
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when everyone else started doing it
(1:00) [friarcouscous] and so am I.
[nutgroist] tried fucking for a while - interesting until the bandwagon got jumped on
(1:01) [friarcouscous] I gave up wanking when my cock was sore. And I plan to resume in approximately.....9 minutes.
[nutgroist] haha
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when they started taxing it
[nutgroist] no, sorry, i'll say that again
(1:01) [friarcouscous] I gave up paying tax then.
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when they started taxi-ing it
[nutgroist] i hate joining queues
(1:02) [friarcouscous] I gave up paying for wanks when they stopped taxing it.
[nutgroist] i hate waiting
[nutgroist] that's why i started wanking in the first place
[nutgroist] something to do while youre waiting
[nutgroist] to collect your dole money
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking for free when i discovered i prefer to pay for it
(1:03) [friarcouscous] I started wanking because I couldn't get any pussy.
[nutgroist] now i toss one off and then rudely throw a tenner at me and fake umbrage
(1:03) [friarcouscous] right - gotsta go!
[nutgroist] i started wanking with cocks but i've moved on since then
(1:04) [friarcouscous] now!
[nutgroist] now now?
[nutgroist] or when now?
[nutgroist] i think you've missed the now boat
[nutgroist] you'll have to wait for the next one
[nutgroist] coming right about
[nutgroist] later
[nutgroist] on
(1:04) [friarcouscous] bye!
|
[nutgroist] halloi
[nutgroist] come on
[nutgroist] answer me god confound you!
(0:19) [friarcouscous] three beeps have wakened me - who are you and what do you want?
[nutgroist] i'm you and...
[nutgroist] i want you to believe me/you
(0:20) [friarcouscous] i'm not god, and nor is God
[nutgroist] little known spiritual secret - God prays to us
[nutgroist] no, sorry, God prays ON us
(0:21) [friarcouscous] God does exist, but we're now cleverer than Him. That's why he invented us - cos he couldn't work out Science.
[nutgroist] i tell you what, pal - in light of all that all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful stuff - i'd say the Devil's a plucky fellow
(0:23) [friarcouscous] Yeah, but he slept and murdered his way to the top (bottom).
[nutgroist] he's got a snowball's chance in hell, no, a fireball's chance in heaven of winning THAT eternal battle
[nutgroist] the devil slept his way to the top? with who exactly?
[nutgroist] mrs devil?
[nutgroist] mrs the devil?
[nutgroist] the angel gaybriel
(0:24) [friarcouscous] Why did goats become associated with the Devil? So many more likely candidates in the animal kingdom.
[nutgroist] you ever fucked a goat?
[nutgroist] it's TOTALLY WICKED
(0:25) [friarcouscous] I've goaded a fuck.
[nutgroist] you ever tried to do anything ritualistic with an evil serpent?
[nutgroist] it's not easy
[nutgroist] believe me
(0:25) [friarcouscous] I've done a whore, 'goaty style'.
[nutgroist] still, it made getting the cock piercing easier
(0:26) [friarcouscous] Those fangs are overrated.
[nutgroist] who runs purgatory?
(0:26) [friarcouscous] ?
[nutgroist] or does it just run itself now?
(0:26) [friarcouscous] Elvis
[nutgroist] after so many years of history
[nutgroist] dont be ridiculous
[nutgroist] Elvis hasnt died yet
(0:27) [friarcouscous] yes, there have been a lot of years of history
[nutgroist] too many to count individulally, id say
(0:27) [friarcouscous] Elvira - of course
(0:28) [friarcouscous] I don't know - if you start in 1066 and end in 1945.
[nutgroist] if Elvira did run it, i wouldnt say no to a dirty weekend stint there before going up
[nutgroist] oddly enough, those are my hours
(0:28) [friarcouscous] Bulldog Historiography
[nutgroist] 11:06 am to about 7:45 pm
(0:29) [friarcouscous] my hours are 24/7 - i'm alive
(0:29) [friarcouscous] ...just
[nutgroist] i think it's just that you're alive
[nutgroist] but im no judge
[nutgroist] although i have been associated with jewry
(0:30) [friarcouscous] nicely...i like to work 7/24
(0:30) [friarcouscous] or even 5/24 most days
[nutgroist] i work 1/1
(0:30) [friarcouscous] ha ha!!!
[nutgroist] on a daily basis
(0:31) [friarcouscous] ha ha!!!!!!
(0:31) [friarcouscous] pissing myself
[nutgroist] me too
[nutgroist] but then i have got a willy
[nutgroist] so what else am i going to do with it
(0:31) [friarcouscous] no ideas cos laughing
[nutgroist] dont want to get 'lazy willy'
(0:32) [friarcouscous] reached the plateau
[nutgroist] that's the worst of all the old age diseases, that is
[nutgroist] lazy willy
[nutgroist] already got saggy balls
(0:32) [friarcouscous] dick dock - a bad penalty
[nutgroist] stuart pierce had one
[nutgroist] gareth southgate, he's another
(0:32) [friarcouscous] i dock you one dick
[nutgroist] here's a docket for it
[nutgroist] a dick dock docket
(0:33) [friarcouscous] was a guy who lived after that punishment - 'Dick Docked' Dick
[nutgroist] dick's dick dock docket
[nutgroist] picked a pock of pickled pockets
[nutgroist] then gregory peck sent the lawyers in to end it before it got out of hand
(0:35) [friarcouscous] I'm going to have my fucking willy amputated to pay for a hit on Bono - Docked One Dick To Kill A Big Cock
[nutgroist] that's a great idea but i'd get it amputated when not fucking
[nutgroist] practically easier and relatively easier to say goodbye to
[nutgroist] but one cant help but wonder, who's going to pay for you to have it amputated?
[nutgroist] i mean, i'll chuck a fiver into the ring, just to help out, like
(0:36) [friarcouscous] I want my dick to go into outer space - but I don't want to go with it. Bit of a fix.
[nutgroist] why not cut out the 'middle man' so to speak - have Bono amputated
(0:37) [friarcouscous] Where does he hide the massive pair of balls he must be attached to?
[nutgroist] dare you, right now, in this day and age, to write a letter to jim'll fix it, last seen on tv in the last century, asking if he could please please please fix it for you to have your dick sent into 'fucking outer space'
[nutgroist] inside larry's bass drums
[nutgroist] or adam or whoever it is
(0:39) [friarcouscous] Dear Jim'll, please can you fix it to have my fucking sweaty nuts to be fucking rocketed into out space please?
(0:39) [friarcouscous] such bad wrytyng
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fix it for me to not have to be abused by my stepdad ever again
[nutgroist] ps. can i come on the show and sit on your lap? (0:40)
[friarcouscous] Dear Jim'll. please can you fix it for you and Jonathan King to stop fiddling with us poor caddies, please?
[nutgroist] pps. i can sit on the show and come on your lap
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you make the bad man go away
(0:41) [friarcouscous] Dear Saville, I will lynch you. I will. Yes I will. Goodnight.
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fix it for me to have some fucking sex with a bitch please?
[nutgroist] ps. i'm 42 years of age
(0:42) [friarcouscous] Dear Mr Fuxit, please can you fux it so that me and my punk mates can cut a boy's penis off in Slough town centre toilets in 1979?
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you fixit it for me....im talking about my broken toy
[nutgroist] hahaha
[nutgroist] i think you mean, i HOPE you mean, dear jim'll please can you fixit for me to star in a crotch-grabbing urban myth in slough town centre toilets in 1979?
(0:43) [friarcouscous] yes indeed, much later exposed as a worldwide urban myth starting in the good old you Hess of Gay
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, please can you f...no, actually, i don't want anything. bye
(0:46) [friarcouscous] dear jamahl, please can you fax me a copy of the full scripts for the Jim'll Fix It show 1977-1983?
[nutgroist] dear bbc, please can you fix it for jimmy saville to go from top pop personality to suspected paedolester and celebrity nobody in a surprisingly short space of time?
(0:46) [friarcouscous] Consider it done.
(0:47) [friarcouscous] ha ha ha!
[nutgroist] dear jim'll please can you fix it for me to kill a man
(0:47) [friarcouscous] without ANY repercussions
(0:48) [friarcouscous] Dear Tim-Hal, please can you fix John Bonham and kill that Bono?
[nutgroist] dear jim'll, i've always had a fascination with jail, but as a law-abiding citizen i obviously dont think i'll ever end up inside. please can you fix me up for me?
[nutgroist] dear saville, i've admired your bespoke suits for many years, but this constant rowing has got to stop(0:50)
[friarcouscous] dear james, please can you fix it for me to conclusively disprove the existence of Jesus, Mohammed and Abba?
(0:51) [friarcouscous] got to go to bed now dude!
[nutgroist] ddear jim'lll
[nutgroist] please can you make friar couscous stay up a bit later
[nutgroist] cos i had a rubbish 'can you make
[nutgroist] hard rock the force it once was again'
[nutgroist] request
[nutgroist] you realise i NEED to have funny interactions like this
[nutgroist] got a few weeks to prepare for my standup comp
(0:52) [friarcouscous] i know - i heard about that -- when and where?
[nutgroist] gotta get those funnies flowing
(0:53) [friarcouscous] specify: date/time/location
[nutgroist] and that's all yer gettin out of me
[nutgroist] listen, if it goes well, that's all well and great
[nutgroist] but if it goes badly, i want to be the only one who remembers it
[nutgroist] im actually going to ask the judges and audience to leave the room when i do it
(0:54) [friarcouscous] what if it all goes well but then you die? who will remember it then?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] who?
(0:54) [friarcouscous] hoo!
[nutgroist] i'll record it
[nutgroist] and
[nutgroist] crucially
[nutgroist] I'LL BE DEAD
[nutgroist] i dont want, need or care for other people
[nutgroist] full stop
[nutgroist] not just the remembering it part(0:56)
[friarcouscous] i've got a date with a dream i was having last night - and so - i must go
[nutgroist] curse you to chesham and back
(0:56) [friarcouscous] my thousand apologies card is yours to swipe
[nutgroist] damn you to amsterdam and back
[nutgroist] run out of credit, my friend
[nutgroist] the sorrys all yours
[nutgroist] great idea though - 1000 apologies card
[nutgroist] could well become alternate currency some day
(0:57) [friarcouscous] would do well in india
[nutgroist] dont be surprised if that ends up in my book idea
[nutgroist] no, im serious now
[nutgroist] social currency
[nutgroist] no monetary value
(0:58) [friarcouscous] someone's already thought of books
[nutgroist] damn
(0:58) [friarcouscous] sexurrency
[nutgroist] what about pamphlets?
[nutgroist] surely i'll be first in there
(0:58) [friarcouscous] what - chicks on the rag?
(0:58) [friarcouscous] or nappies?
[nutgroist] no, pamela flett's
[nutgroist] lovely place
[nutgroist] spamflats
(0:59) [friarcouscous] i've found a new way to wank - to BLONDIE
[nutgroist] some kind of steamrollered vagpie
(0:59) [friarcouscous] especially Rapture - and by wank - I do mean mentally
[nutgroist] now or then?
[nutgroist] personally i've come full circle
(1:00) [friarcouscous] Doing it physically is so 1989
[nutgroist] it's so working class
(1:00) [friarcouscous] yes. yes it is.
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when everyone else started doing it
(1:00) [friarcouscous] and so am I.
[nutgroist] tried fucking for a while - interesting until the bandwagon got jumped on
(1:01) [friarcouscous] I gave up wanking when my cock was sore. And I plan to resume in approximately.....9 minutes.
[nutgroist] haha
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when they started taxing it
[nutgroist] no, sorry, i'll say that again
(1:01) [friarcouscous] I gave up paying tax then.
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking when they started taxi-ing it
[nutgroist] i hate joining queues
(1:02) [friarcouscous] I gave up paying for wanks when they stopped taxing it.
[nutgroist] i hate waiting
[nutgroist] that's why i started wanking in the first place
[nutgroist] something to do while youre waiting
[nutgroist] to collect your dole money
[nutgroist] i gave up wanking for free when i discovered i prefer to pay for it
(1:03) [friarcouscous] I started wanking because I couldn't get any pussy.
[nutgroist] now i toss one off and then rudely throw a tenner at me and fake umbrage
(1:03) [friarcouscous] right - gotsta go!
[nutgroist] i started wanking with cocks but i've moved on since then
(1:04) [friarcouscous] now!
[nutgroist] now now?
[nutgroist] or when now?
[nutgroist] i think you've missed the now boat
[nutgroist] you'll have to wait for the next one
[nutgroist] coming right about
[nutgroist] later
[nutgroist] on
(1:04) [friarcouscous] bye!
|
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