cNutgroist

I see that (Gawd save our gracious) Queen of England's been dishing out the birthday honours again. Well done to all the winners in this wonderfully meritocratic lucky dip:


Sirs:-

Sir Billip Shakatak: once kicked very hard in the nuts by an angry Prince Philip on a shoot in Balmoral who later claimed he'd mistaken him for a grouse. Already a Knight of the Realm, he gets a spare


Anthony Shalamar: Often confused with Sir Billip Shakatak, the knighthood won't help to change things.


Lords:-

Rocco Sechs-surragat: Services to Prince Edward and his missus, Princess Sophie the Duchess of Wessex

Pen and Pencil: The most famous comedic double act of the whole of the 19-aydies, if you remember - one was tall, fat, curly haired, agressive, from up north, bad eyesight, had a funny surname and resembled a blue-inked, plastic-clad biro of some sort, the other was not. Widely thought to have lost their sense of humour around the time they started out in showbusiness, since they have found God by all accounts they are hilarious, though completely forbidden from public appearances.


Dames:-

Bunty Fawastoneaugh-Fawastoneaugh: Services to Prince Harry

Marina Loostoff: Services to Prince Harry


OBE:-

Dr Soothing, Head of the Legal Limbo wing of the Hush-Hush Hospital for the Congenitally Inbred: For services to Marina Loostoff and Bunty Fawathingummythingummy (see above)

Chicken Eggs: For services to the British breakfast industry, chicken eggs everywhere get an OBE. Well done boys. Eggshellent work.....*SPLUTTT!*



Order of the Chinless:-

Tobias Tobias-bias: For racial sensitivity classes to her Royal Highness Princess Lovely

Damien Dawggs-bohddi: For services to engorged Corgi testicles


Overseas honours:-

Ornette Coleman becomes a KBE for services to 60's free jazz and revolutionary black power

Bishop Desmond Tutu, Walid Jamblatt and Simon Motherfucker become companions of the Order of Innuendo

Kings:-

No Kings this year
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