Sunday, May 22, 2005
i know what you're thinking - 'it's sunday, i wish this bloke who writes Nutgroist would stop trying to be really quite exceptionally funny, no, what i'd really like to know is what the internet's most popular number is. And I want to know now.'
Me too, bitch
1 - 1,910,000,000
2 - 1,550,000,000
3 - just 1,320,000,000 instances of said numeral
4 - 1,210,000,000
5 - 1,240,000,000 - controversial overturning the natural descending order of things to steal an extra 30,000,000 on 4
6 - 953,000,000 - we've gone under a billion instances at last. rubbish. you should be ashamed of yourself 6
7 - 886,000,000 - huh, 6, you're starting to look pretty good actually. 7 - you should be shot, you traitor. 'lucky' indeed.
8 - 858,000,000 - i honestly had no idea the competition was so bitter between the big players in the old numbers game
9 - 805,000,000
10 - 1,150,000,000 - the Bo Derek effect continues
11 - 865,000,000 - look what you've done, Osama - you've upset the natural order of things so much even 8 and 9 have surely turned against you now.
12 - 927,000,000
13 - 681,000,000
14 - 621,000,000
It was at this point i decided i finally had a reason to learn programming, so went away and taught myself all there is to know about writing a routine or whatever that will automatically google all the numbers that i require to be googled in such a fashion. unfortunately for me and you, it's logically impossible and faced with such a finality of a conclusion, I have chosed to put the project on the backburner until i can get round that it cannot, by definition, be done. I had to make space on a crowded backburner so it's now wedged neatly between the delectable quality pie crust still waiting for its promised unicorn mince to the left and to the right my surging career in comedy.
15 - 755,000,000
16 - 638,000,000
17 - 593,000,000
18 - 651,000,000 - a barely legal number perhaps, but it makes me suspiciously reappraise the size of 15
19 - 605,000,000 - probably accounting for its poor showing here, it's a little known fact that the average age of American soldiers going off to fight in Vietnam was 19. (curioser still, when they returned home, they say none of them received a hero's welcome)
20 - 808,000,000
21 - 511,000,000
22 - 483,000,000
23 - 438,000,000 - interestingly, '23' is the precise number of women i havent slept with (so far)
24 - 591,000,000
no listing for 25 since it's my unlucky number. don't ask me why, i'm just crazy that way
26 - 421,000,000
27 - 412,000,000
28 - 425,000,000
29 - 401,000,000
30 - 675,000,000 - popularity is probably down to 30 being the legal age of consent for teen porn on the internet for those in the know
31 - 369,000,000 - the last prime number before 37, can it really be a coincidence?
32 - 218,000,000 - you're losing interest now, aren't you?
33 - 179,000,000 - if truth be told, so am I
34 - 164,000,000 - 34: "me too"
35 - 195,000,000
36 - 178,000,000 - this is so fucking boring
37 - 165,000,000 - i missed out on a shag the other night, can you tell?
fuck it, here's the big one
2005 - 2,590,000,000 - well, my my, fancy that, whoda thunk it etc
now f u c k o ff
|
Me too, bitch
1 - 1,910,000,000
2 - 1,550,000,000
3 - just 1,320,000,000 instances of said numeral
4 - 1,210,000,000
5 - 1,240,000,000 - controversial overturning the natural descending order of things to steal an extra 30,000,000 on 4
6 - 953,000,000 - we've gone under a billion instances at last. rubbish. you should be ashamed of yourself 6
7 - 886,000,000 - huh, 6, you're starting to look pretty good actually. 7 - you should be shot, you traitor. 'lucky' indeed.
8 - 858,000,000 - i honestly had no idea the competition was so bitter between the big players in the old numbers game
9 - 805,000,000
10 - 1,150,000,000 - the Bo Derek effect continues
11 - 865,000,000 - look what you've done, Osama - you've upset the natural order of things so much even 8 and 9 have surely turned against you now.
12 - 927,000,000
13 - 681,000,000
14 - 621,000,000
It was at this point i decided i finally had a reason to learn programming, so went away and taught myself all there is to know about writing a routine or whatever that will automatically google all the numbers that i require to be googled in such a fashion. unfortunately for me and you, it's logically impossible and faced with such a finality of a conclusion, I have chosed to put the project on the backburner until i can get round that it cannot, by definition, be done. I had to make space on a crowded backburner so it's now wedged neatly between the delectable quality pie crust still waiting for its promised unicorn mince to the left and to the right my surging career in comedy.
15 - 755,000,000
16 - 638,000,000
17 - 593,000,000
18 - 651,000,000 - a barely legal number perhaps, but it makes me suspiciously reappraise the size of 15
19 - 605,000,000 - probably accounting for its poor showing here, it's a little known fact that the average age of American soldiers going off to fight in Vietnam was 19. (curioser still, when they returned home, they say none of them received a hero's welcome)
20 - 808,000,000
21 - 511,000,000
22 - 483,000,000
23 - 438,000,000 - interestingly, '23' is the precise number of women i havent slept with (so far)
24 - 591,000,000
no listing for 25 since it's my unlucky number. don't ask me why, i'm just crazy that way
26 - 421,000,000
27 - 412,000,000
28 - 425,000,000
29 - 401,000,000
30 - 675,000,000 - popularity is probably down to 30 being the legal age of consent for teen porn on the internet for those in the know
31 - 369,000,000 - the last prime number before 37, can it really be a coincidence?
32 - 218,000,000 - you're losing interest now, aren't you?
33 - 179,000,000 - if truth be told, so am I
34 - 164,000,000 - 34: "me too"
35 - 195,000,000
36 - 178,000,000 - this is so fucking boring
37 - 165,000,000 - i missed out on a shag the other night, can you tell?
fuck it, here's the big one
2005 - 2,590,000,000 - well, my my, fancy that, whoda thunk it etc
now f u c k o ff
|
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