Monday, January 17, 2005
Some oldies I have remembered, thanks to my unpatented External Zip Mind, which i keep in a jar and feed plankton and erotic nightmares to:
The Themetune Uniform: Be it walking down the street in the morning on your way to the dole office, entering some jive-ass club wearing leather jacket and sunglasses in the middle of the night or simply busting some street criminals balls over your cop car, you know that any experience in life can be enhanced by activating the speakers in your clothes to play your own special theme tune as you do it. Special fancy speakers that immerse your immediate vicinty in sound, no-one will quite know just where, why or how a jazz quartet happen to be playing a furious bebop groove whilst a flute and wah-wah guitar chase eachother through the melody. and it doesnt matter because they'll be too busy thinking 'that dude is COOL'
The Doubledecker See-Thru Dancefloor: One club, three floors. Floor three is made entirely of very very very strong see-thru material, like hard glass or whatever, that can withstand a large group of people jumping up and down all over it. Floor two, directly beneath, is also made from the same stuff and designed for the same purpose. These rooms will mostly be filled by people who feel they have nothing to hide, not from any angle. Girls in short skirts, ideally. The ground floor will be mostly filled with dirty old men, unless there's a strict member's only door policy, and professional neck masseurs.
And it's not sexist - we shall extend an invitation to all the Highland Regiments to come in full ceremonial dress and frug the night away til the sporran drops off.
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The Themetune Uniform: Be it walking down the street in the morning on your way to the dole office, entering some jive-ass club wearing leather jacket and sunglasses in the middle of the night or simply busting some street criminals balls over your cop car, you know that any experience in life can be enhanced by activating the speakers in your clothes to play your own special theme tune as you do it. Special fancy speakers that immerse your immediate vicinty in sound, no-one will quite know just where, why or how a jazz quartet happen to be playing a furious bebop groove whilst a flute and wah-wah guitar chase eachother through the melody. and it doesnt matter because they'll be too busy thinking 'that dude is COOL'
The Doubledecker See-Thru Dancefloor: One club, three floors. Floor three is made entirely of very very very strong see-thru material, like hard glass or whatever, that can withstand a large group of people jumping up and down all over it. Floor two, directly beneath, is also made from the same stuff and designed for the same purpose. These rooms will mostly be filled by people who feel they have nothing to hide, not from any angle. Girls in short skirts, ideally. The ground floor will be mostly filled with dirty old men, unless there's a strict member's only door policy, and professional neck masseurs.
And it's not sexist - we shall extend an invitation to all the Highland Regiments to come in full ceremonial dress and frug the night away til the sporran drops off.
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