Tuesday, December 14, 2004
we hosted the mother-in-common-law this weekend and whilst it was predictably heavy-going there were some lighter moments. We got her to cook us a grand meal and I filmed the lot of it so we won't forget how it's done. An excellent lamb curry (although i still think mine's better), lentil+chili cakes, Cassava with cardamom and milk and the absolute winner - Crab Soup. We'd driven out to Cooliemore Harbour in Dalkey to buy a couple of crabs but ended up with 18 of the buggers. We'd been told they were 5 euro for a kilo, so we asked for a kilo and the guy just kept stuffing a big bag with them. didn't bother weighing them or anything - just felt it was about right. I tried to say it was too many but i felt my masculinity was being challenged if we couldn't prove we can't handle our crunchy fresh sea-spiders so in the end we just thought it easier to take them home, eat as many as we can and the ones we don't use release back into the wild or maybe keep as pets (if i had chucked them into the river, would they have made it 15 minutes downstream to the sea? What if i dip it in some sea salt first?). Anyway, the MILC was quite happy to demonstrate her crab-preparing skills for us. Here's what happened when we opened the bag at home...
me- Shall I boil up the big pan then?
'no, no, not til i've killed the crabs and cooked them first'
-right, so you don't think it's a good idea to plunge them into boiling water first to kill them?
'no, no, that's cruel. and you have to throw the water away. i do it the way i learned as a little girl'
-so, er, you want a spike, a skewer maybe? to stick into their heads and kill them?
'no, no, look. you..just...(CRACK)...like that'
And we watched in some shock as she picked up the first crab and simply ripped it apart. Pincers off first, then a knife to prise off the little flap where it keeps its bollocks at the back, and then a strange twisting motion with her hand which makes a crunchy sound and then finally sticking a knife in and literally sawing it in two. The crab would have died around about the sawing-in-two stage i'd guess but that didnt stop its legs moving in the bowl and its eyes and tendrils flapping about in the sink for some time afterwards. What can i say? the LOOK on the crab's face was, i hate to say it, PRICELESS. Well, if not priceless then certainly one that said 'oh SHIT. This is IT. I'm being pulled a-FUCKING-part!' It knew. It really did. And we knew. And the look in its beady eyes told me it knew i knew. And the funny thing is, that amidst all the horror of seeing these 18 shanty-spiders get chopped to scrunchy shreds, being confronted with their questioning, pleading little red eyes as they are turned into soup, witnessing 18 little crab souls released from their hard brown compact shells and remembering all the times i'd thought about watching things die and how horrible, deeply horrible it is, i had the most surprising and rattling emotion rise to the fore of my consciousness:- Which is to say, i found i didn't give a fucking shit. I could only think of the delicious soup to come.
Here's the recipe, should you care to do it...
Take 18 crabs and brutally, mercilessly slaughter them with your bare hands and a shit knife. Make sure each of them wait their turn and see exactly what awaits them. Clean out all the gunk and meanwhile fry a chopped onion in olive oil for a few minutes. 2 cloves of chopped garlic in next and then the crabs. let them cook on a medium heat until they change colour , then chop in one fresh tomato and stir it round a bit. add two tablespoons of freshly-ground cumin and stir. 5 minutes later, 2 tablespoons of top quality curry-powder (the shit stuff WILL ruin it) and stir some more. 5 minutes later cover in water and then some, bring to the boil and let simmer for as long as you want. add salt to taste. surprisingly, no chilis are needed since the powder makes it bastard-hot. that's not to say that frying a few at the start wont add to the flavour cos it will. but it'll be more fruity than chili hot which is no bad thing i suppose. the final soup should have a strong hint of caramel flavour to it, presumably from the sweetness of the crab meat and shells.
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me- Shall I boil up the big pan then?
'no, no, not til i've killed the crabs and cooked them first'
-right, so you don't think it's a good idea to plunge them into boiling water first to kill them?
'no, no, that's cruel. and you have to throw the water away. i do it the way i learned as a little girl'
-so, er, you want a spike, a skewer maybe? to stick into their heads and kill them?
'no, no, look. you..just...(CRACK)...like that'
And we watched in some shock as she picked up the first crab and simply ripped it apart. Pincers off first, then a knife to prise off the little flap where it keeps its bollocks at the back, and then a strange twisting motion with her hand which makes a crunchy sound and then finally sticking a knife in and literally sawing it in two. The crab would have died around about the sawing-in-two stage i'd guess but that didnt stop its legs moving in the bowl and its eyes and tendrils flapping about in the sink for some time afterwards. What can i say? the LOOK on the crab's face was, i hate to say it, PRICELESS. Well, if not priceless then certainly one that said 'oh SHIT. This is IT. I'm being pulled a-FUCKING-part!' It knew. It really did. And we knew. And the look in its beady eyes told me it knew i knew. And the funny thing is, that amidst all the horror of seeing these 18 shanty-spiders get chopped to scrunchy shreds, being confronted with their questioning, pleading little red eyes as they are turned into soup, witnessing 18 little crab souls released from their hard brown compact shells and remembering all the times i'd thought about watching things die and how horrible, deeply horrible it is, i had the most surprising and rattling emotion rise to the fore of my consciousness:- Which is to say, i found i didn't give a fucking shit. I could only think of the delicious soup to come.
Here's the recipe, should you care to do it...
Take 18 crabs and brutally, mercilessly slaughter them with your bare hands and a shit knife. Make sure each of them wait their turn and see exactly what awaits them. Clean out all the gunk and meanwhile fry a chopped onion in olive oil for a few minutes. 2 cloves of chopped garlic in next and then the crabs. let them cook on a medium heat until they change colour , then chop in one fresh tomato and stir it round a bit. add two tablespoons of freshly-ground cumin and stir. 5 minutes later, 2 tablespoons of top quality curry-powder (the shit stuff WILL ruin it) and stir some more. 5 minutes later cover in water and then some, bring to the boil and let simmer for as long as you want. add salt to taste. surprisingly, no chilis are needed since the powder makes it bastard-hot. that's not to say that frying a few at the start wont add to the flavour cos it will. but it'll be more fruity than chili hot which is no bad thing i suppose. the final soup should have a strong hint of caramel flavour to it, presumably from the sweetness of the crab meat and shells.
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