Friday, March 19, 2004
Wrote this fake puff-piece a long time ago for someone. Just found it whilst laundering my life. They didn't use it, so I will:
Kill your abusive step-dad to see this play.
Unparalleled lines in Nutgroist's stage adaption of "Crossroads", in which he plays all parts, including the motel.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200. Go directly to "Jail", the new one-man show from Slough's other Nutgroist, Nutgroist.
Suddenly, life has new meaning to me because I've just seen Nutgroist star in the non-musical stage play "The Lionel Ritchie Story". So entranced was the audience, halfway through the show, on at the Brick House Repertory Theatre, three times a lady shouted out "I love you" during one of Nutgroist's stirring monologues.
Shit your pants to see Nutgroist in his new one man show "In Cities, In Countries, In Continents"
Smoke a million fags, get terminal cancer, ring Dr Kevorkian and take him to see Nutgroist's new routine, it'll slay ya!
He had me rolling in the aisles - Howard "Drugs" Marks
He had me rolling in the Isles - Mick "The Rolling Stones" Jagger
Men of England - Cut your wife's cock off and take her immediately to see Nutgroist in his new "one-man or is he?" stage adaption of Germaine Greer's classic Victorian potboiler "The Female Eunuch"
"Fucking Rock" - Mary Whitehouse
Cut your legs off above the knee, steal a spitfire and divebomb the Theate Royal to get in to see Nutgroist's new sold-out "The Douglas Bader Revue Show"
Change your sexual orientation for a laugh, retain disgust at homosexuals, then head down to Nutgroist's new good old british up-the-arse knockabout pounding "Gay Pride and Prejudice"
Live a life of unparalleled misery, sensorial isolation, total darkness and absolute silence to see Nutgroist in his new all-singing, all-dancing musical "When Joey met Helen", daily at the Deacon Keller, London.
The dance spectacular of the Mesozoic era - Nutgroist dances in perfect harmony to the arresting rhythms and mournful melodies of John Cage's famous "4:33"
Redress your deepest moral beliefs as you watch Nutgroist take you through his devastatingly honest and bladder-bustingly funny past as a professional rapist for Idi Amin's military junta.
Take a sharp, sterilised kitchen knife and split yourself open ayt the sides, then get yourself down to the Donmar and relax as you watch Nutgroist inflict identical surgery on an audience using only his rapier jokes.
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Kill your abusive step-dad to see this play.
Unparalleled lines in Nutgroist's stage adaption of "Crossroads", in which he plays all parts, including the motel.
Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200. Go directly to "Jail", the new one-man show from Slough's other Nutgroist, Nutgroist.
Suddenly, life has new meaning to me because I've just seen Nutgroist star in the non-musical stage play "The Lionel Ritchie Story". So entranced was the audience, halfway through the show, on at the Brick House Repertory Theatre, three times a lady shouted out "I love you" during one of Nutgroist's stirring monologues.
Shit your pants to see Nutgroist in his new one man show "In Cities, In Countries, In Continents"
Smoke a million fags, get terminal cancer, ring Dr Kevorkian and take him to see Nutgroist's new routine, it'll slay ya!
He had me rolling in the aisles - Howard "Drugs" Marks
He had me rolling in the Isles - Mick "The Rolling Stones" Jagger
Men of England - Cut your wife's cock off and take her immediately to see Nutgroist in his new "one-man or is he?" stage adaption of Germaine Greer's classic Victorian potboiler "The Female Eunuch"
"Fucking Rock" - Mary Whitehouse
Cut your legs off above the knee, steal a spitfire and divebomb the Theate Royal to get in to see Nutgroist's new sold-out "The Douglas Bader Revue Show"
Change your sexual orientation for a laugh, retain disgust at homosexuals, then head down to Nutgroist's new good old british up-the-arse knockabout pounding "Gay Pride and Prejudice"
Live a life of unparalleled misery, sensorial isolation, total darkness and absolute silence to see Nutgroist in his new all-singing, all-dancing musical "When Joey met Helen", daily at the Deacon Keller, London.
The dance spectacular of the Mesozoic era - Nutgroist dances in perfect harmony to the arresting rhythms and mournful melodies of John Cage's famous "4:33"
Redress your deepest moral beliefs as you watch Nutgroist take you through his devastatingly honest and bladder-bustingly funny past as a professional rapist for Idi Amin's military junta.
Take a sharp, sterilised kitchen knife and split yourself open ayt the sides, then get yourself down to the Donmar and relax as you watch Nutgroist inflict identical surgery on an audience using only his rapier jokes.
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